Clearing My Mind

• Lately, I'm feeling like a bit of a mommy failure. Not sure why this job seems so hard at times. Is it because of how much we love our little ones? Either way, I am having a hard time keeping up with all the things I need/want to get done and it makes me feel like I'm failing. Other mommies make it all seem so easy.
• Baby K started eating some solid foods this week and it's so much fun watching her have her first taste of peas, banana, and apple. She seems to really like the rice cereal.
• I bought my Beaba Babycook this past weekend and I've been making all kinds of purees and freezing them in the nifty freeze trays Beaba makes. I also bought this cookbook and I'm so excited to make her some of the fun recipes. Both are an A++++.
• I'm still breastfeeding and fast approaching my 6 month goal. I'm not ready to stop though. Maybe at 9 months I'll start a slow weaning process. I've got a pretty good supply socked away in the freezer, but probably not enough to get through three months. We'll see what happens after she has teeth. I may change my mind.
• I need to get rid of this last 15lbs of baby weight. I miss my favorite jeans.
• I've been working out at 9pm each night, then at 10 I pump my milk for Baby K's 11pm dreamfeed. The dreamfeed is working really well. She's sleeping much better at night and I think using the bottle for the feeding is the key. Then I know that she's gotten a full feeding and I don't have that OMG I'm starving her mommy guilt at 4am when she wakes up and I just give her her nuk back.
• My new goal of showering, and putting on makeup during her first nap of the day is working really well. I feel so much better when I get dressed and put a little makeup on.
• It's a beautiful day in Minneapolis today. I'm waiting for my girl to get up and then we're going to go for a walk around one of the many lakes in our fair city. Speaking of walks, I love my BOB stroller more every day.

Part V

The 32 week bleeding scare was behind us and my showers were over. I think I received 3 gifts that were off my registries (Target and BRU). I had more blankets and 0-3 month clothes than I knew what to do with and absolutely none of the essentials to bring our baby girl home. Our little scare had us really wanting to nest and be prepared for our little one to arrive. We did a huge, HUGE shopping trip to BRU, completed my registry and began the process of assembling, cutting off tags and all the laundry, folding, laundry, folding that comes with nesting. By the time I was 34 weeks along, we were ready. All we had left to do was sit and wait.

During this period of time, the drywall was being taped, mudded and sanded. We visited the house a couple of times to check out he progress and the windows were all fogged up with the moisture from the mud. I was getting huge by this point and it was getting harder and harder for me to make my way up and down the temporary stairs. My husband went more often to check in on things since he was sporting an awkward belly around. Aside from getting less mobile, I was also tired and with my due date fast approaching (Feb 6)-trying to finish up work projects before I took off for an unknown amount of time. I'm a consultant and had decided not to say exactly when I would be back. I figured I would wait until the new house was finished. 

Kitchen:

Dining Room Ceiling:

At 36 weeks, I started my weekly doctor visits and it turned out that I was effacing and dilating. Whoa! I wasn't expecting that. It was mid January and i wasn't due for 4 more weeks. At my 37 week visit, I had progressed from 50-70% effaced and a fingertip - 1cm dilated. On January 19th, 37.5 weeks into my pregnancy, my water broke. Our sweet Baby girl, Baby K, was born after 22 hours of labor on January 20, 2010 at 6:15 am. My actual doctor was the doc on call and delivered our 6lb 9oz gorgeous baby.

Last photo of me pregnant at 36 weeks:

A very "cheesy" Baby K:

Mom & Daughter:

The truth is that after she was born, I lost all interest in what was going on at the house. She was it. My world had changed and things like floors and fireplaces and paint colors didn't seem all that significant. But the stress of the house building would continue and I didn't handle it well. Blame it on sleep deprivation, hormones or just the stress of learning to be a new mom, whatever it was, those 3.5 months between having Baby K and moving into our new home were by far the most stressful of my life. I felt crazy, went off at the drop of a hat and could simply not deal with any of the issues that would arise. And there were issues. When you're building a house, the devil is definitely in the details. With so many moving parts, even with a contractor in charge, there are bound to be issues when things all start coming together. My husband did his best to handle things on his own, but there were times when I needed to get involved and they almost always ended with a meltdown on my part or a fight between us. It sucked.

Even after we moved in, the stress continued with landscaping interrupting our baby's naps and subs still coming in to handle finishing details. Not to mention unpacking and cleaning up all the construction dust while simultaneously caring for a nearly 4 month old baby. Ugh. Most days I wanted to run away and my husband and I were at each other's throats constantly. I honestly started to get scared. We had a long talk one night and after that I knew that I had to cool my jets a little. Stressed or not, I couldn't keep jumping his shit every time something went wrong or I got frustrated.

We're here now, over a month after moving in and we are back to the harmonious life that we've always had. We love each other, our baby girl and our new home. The world is as it should be.

Baby K during our Memorial Day BBQ in our new home:

Stay tuned for the finished product....

Part IV

Once the foundation was poured, the framing began. It was so much fun to see an actual structure begin to go up. Since we had almost purchased the exact same home that we were now building, we knew exactly how the home flowed. If you've ever been through a home that is being framed, you know that it can be difficult to imagine it with walls and all the rooms seem tiny for some reason. Once the drywall goes up, things really start to take shape and it's incredibly fun to watch.

Having hit and passed the mid-way point of our pregnancy, we were settling in. I was feeling the baby move and starting to plan a med-free hospital birth. We started our birthing classes at the hospital and had hired a doula. My mind was on baby, baby baby. My husband's mind was house, budget, house. I think this is the part that was the hardest for me. I felt like he didn't quite

grasp what was about to happen. While I was dealing with fears about being a good mother and trying to deal with my overly involved mother-in-law, he was worrying about the house. It made me feel very alone. I was sad that he didn't seem as into the pregnancy as I was. Sad that he was distracted during this awesome time - a first that we will never get back. I think now that it's all over, he feels sad about that too. Things were scooting along with the house and by early December, everything was framed and all the windows were in. Plumbing, low voltage and electrical rough ins took place and drywall went up.

Me at 28 weeks in the Nursery

Framing Progresses:

Heated basement floor is poured:

In mid-December, I had a bleeding scare and spent two separate days in the maternity triage area of the hospital. My mom was in town for my baby shower, and I was visiting her at my aunt's where she was staying. I went to go pee, wiped and there was blood. I wiped again to make sure I actually saw blood, and it was definitely there. I walked out as calmly as I could and told my mom what was going on, called the doctor, who told me to get to the hospital and then called my husband. We got in the car (I drove because I wasn't having any cramping and I knew that having something else to focus on would keep me calm). It took us over an hour to get to the hospital in the rush hour traffic. My husband was waiting there when we got there. He ended up having to take a cab because I had the garage door opener in our SUV and he couldn't get in to get his car. We got up to triage and they got me in the gown and on the monitors. I was 32 weeks and so incredibly scared that I was going to have our baby girl early. We had absolutely nothing done, weren't ready at all. Both of my showers were being held that weekend and we were waiting until after to see what else we needed. They checked me, and my cervix was fine, there was no blood on the glove. I was having some contractions, but nothing in a regular pattern or strong enough for me to really feel them. I was sent home and told to take it easy.

The next day was my first shower of the weekend. I got up, got ready, was just about to leave, and decided to pee before I got in the car, wiped and there was blood again. Back to the hospital we went. They checked me again, no blood on the glove. I had thrown on a pad before we left and there was blood on the pad, so they believed me that I was bleeding. After hours of being monitored, and ultrasound, and countless other tests, the nurse asked to see my nethers one last time because she suspected that there may be a superficial wound of some kind that was causing the bleeding. That was it. I had either cut myself while attempting to groom myself, had a skin tag or my undies irritated me somehow. We'll never know what exactly it was, but I was so embarrassed! I missed my shower, had everyone worried and spent a total of 6 hours in a hospital bed. Seriously! Oddly enough, the nurse who discovered my wound, was also one of my nurses during my 22 hours of labor. I was way too busy dealing with back labor to be worried about whether she remembered me or not. My birth story is one for another time...stay tuned.

Part III

The little white house was demolished and soon all that remained of her was a huge hole in the ground. It was quite the sight and so hard to believe that things were finally getting underway. Remember, the housing search started way back in May and we're into September now. Not long after the debris was cleared and the foundation hole was dug, the footings went in. We started the long process of picking out finishes, spending every Saturday for two months, visiting tile, carpet, granite, plumbing and lighting stores. Luckily, we had the beautiful finishes that were selected for the spec home that we almost purchased, to use as a base. We were so in love with how that home came together, so we used a lot of the same items, but also put our own spin on things. Selecting tile was one of the harder items. There is so much to choose from. Also selecting plumbing fixtures took us about 8 hours total, with additional time spent fixing items that the consultant didn't properly measure for. One of the items that was difficult was the free-standing soaking tub. I had always wanted one and somehow, my husband managed to make the process way more difficult than it had to be.

He would do this often throughout the building process, walking away during discussions to figure things out and then coming back into the mix needing the whole thing repeated and then having an opinion(usually the opposite of the one we had come to during the discussions). It drove me absolutely nuts. By early, October, the foundation had been poured. It was incredibly exciting to see some real "concrete" progress taking place. I hit the midway point of my pregnancy and we found out that we were having a little girl! At this point, I was starting to feel a little sad that I wouldn't get the chance to create an actual nursery for her. Decorating a nursery is a nesting right of passage and I was missing out. Sure I would have a beautiful home to show for it in the end, but my hormones were raging and at the time and I was terribly sad that our little girl wouldn't have a proper room to come home too. My hubs felt bad about this too and gave in to my desire to purchase a crib and changing station/dresser, rocking club chair and bedding. In the end it all worked out and the nursery turned out just as I had imagined it. One month after moving, I still have a couple of things left to do - like have a cushion made for the window seat and hang some drapes, but the bulk of it is finished. It's creamy, serene and completely gender neutral since it will always be the nursery for any additional babies that come our way (hopefully 2 more), and I can honestly say that it is my favorite room in the house. Maybe it's because my favorite little girl in the whole wide world sleeps in there.

Part II

So, we're in the car and I am crying huge alligator tears. My hubs turns to me and says, "I want to build the house instead. Will you be OK with that?" I mulled it over for a moment, having been through two previous house building experiences, one when my parents built when I was 14 and one at 21 with my high school sweetheart when we decided to move in together and see if things were for real...obviously they weren't, and knowing that it is very stressful. I agreed and so began the most stressful 11 months of our marriage - considering we'd only been married three at the time.

We began looking for a place to rent, finally settling on a little house in S. Minneapolis. This is a whole other story, but I ended up bawling through the entire move once I realized that the people who owned the house were less than great housekeepers. We're talking having to run the self clean cycle on the oven 3 times just to get it clean. A word of advice when renting - open drawers, open appliances, really look at the floors. Just because they guy who owns the house is a lawyer with a skinny wife and little girl, doesn't mean that they know how to use a broom or a mop or press that little button on your oven that says self clean for that matter. Enough of that...

In our previous home shopping excursions we came across two homes for sale as tear down re-builds or remodel situations on this tiny little cul-de-sac, right in the neighborhood we wanted to be in. One of the lots was already contracted with another builder, meaning that we would have to build with them if we bought the lot. We wanted to build our house with our builder so the other lot, which was the better choice anyway, became our target. We did a "showing" to look at the property (picture above right) and made an offer to begin negotiations. While this was happening, we proceeded to begin searching for a construction loan, which are terribly hard to get in this market. The first broker screwed us over big time as he was in transition to a new company and delayed our loan to try to bring it to his new employer. We found another lender, with better terms and everything was set, or so we thought. A second deadline was laid out and the sellers, who ended up being really great, but were feeling pressure from the other side since they had purchased a new home once the deal supposedly closed, basically said we needed to meet that deadline or the deal was off. So. Much. Stress. Twelve hours before we were supposed to close, the lender called us and said we needed more money. A lot more money. Basically we needed to buy the property outright in order to get a construction loan to build on the site. My husband was able to scrape the money together, while his pregnant wife cried and cried...it was all just so much to handle and I couldn't imagine having to live in the now cleaned, but once was dirty rental house.

The closing took 4 hours, but finally, finally happened and we were the proud owners of a tiny little house that we were about to tear down. We had a building reuse it organization come and strip out what they could take. And we proceeded to have the house demolished. I felt a little guilty about razing the home, knowing that in other countries who live in extreme poverty that would consider that home a wonderful place to live. We did try to have the house moved, but it was one foot too large. A friend of mine told me to get over my guilt and so I did. Photos of the demolished house below:

The demolition took place on September 11, 2009 - kind of an icky day for a demolition. I was not quite 4 months pregnant at the time. My belly was starting to swell and the process of building our dream house was just getting started....

The Momma Jomma Family Built a House and a Baby in the Same Year

I'm going to start a new series on the year that we just experienced. A word of advice to those thinking of taking on building a house while pregnant and then caring for a newborn...DON'T DO IT! Seriously, it is too much craziness at one time.

Our beloved condo

So, the story begins as we are planning our wedding during a short, 5 month engagement. My hubs is 7.5 years older than me, so he was ready to start trying to make some babies once we tied the knot. Having had baby fever for a couple of years, I was ready too. Either way, we lived in a hip loft in the Uptown area of Minneapolis. Two bedrooms, two baths and 1700 square feet on the top floor with a view of the skyline. We LOVED it! But, with the second bedroom tricked out as a workout room and our storage areas filled to the brim, we realized that having a baby in the space would be challenging. We both knew it was time to start thinking about where we wanted to raise our kids and started browsing listings in a suburb of Minneapolis that is minutes to the city and has some of the top rated schools in the country...yes I said country. While we'd probably not be able to sell the condo in a way that would result in a huge profit (hello..housing market collapse) we also knew that we'd be able to buy our forever house at a great price and so taking the hit would be totally worth it. We both hate moving and vowed that we'd purchase a home that our family could grow into in an area that we loved where we'd stay put until we retire. My husband had this childhood, I on the other hand, went to five different schools from K - 12 and wanted a different childhood for my babies. The suburb of Minneapolis that we now live in and were at the time shopping for houses in, has this cool little area that is a walkable neighborhood with shops, and restaurants. It's like being in the city, in the suburbs. So, with target neighborhood in hand, we began our search, feeling out the market and seeing what we could get in our budget.

We browsed and browsed, planned our wedding and decided that while we were on our honeymoon, we'd have a couple of settling cracks repaired in the condo and start getting things ready to list the place. When we returned from our fabulous, fabulous Hawaiian honeymoon, we got serious, had a stager come through, and implemented her suggestions.

One Sunday, just before we listed the condo, we walked through a new construction home about 10 blocks from where we really wanted to be and fell in love. I mean IN - Love. It was perfect and I instantly had visions of my babies running around and baking cookies with me at the huge center island in the kitchen. The location was poopy however, and the backyard faced a busy street causing some noise. The house was priced to sell and after viewing about 20 other properties, we couldn't get it out of our minds. One day over a carafe of delicious white wine sangria from this great little bistro called Lucia's in Minneapolis, we talked about the house and my husband mentioned maybe wanting to build the same house, with many of the same finishes on a different site. I raised my glass, and told him that if I could have that house, I was in like flynn. While all this was going on, we found out that we were going to become a three person wolf pack (love The Hangover), Baby K had implanted and was no longer a zygote AND our condo sold in only three weeks and two showings.

The house that stole our hearts

We were about to be homeless and gestating...ishy combo in my opinion. We went back to the house to make an offer because it seemed to be the best decision, but it was raining that day, and my husband sat at the staged kitchen table and listened to the cars whiz by, even louder with the wet street, and said he just couldn't do it. He wouldn't be happy there with the noise. Our realtor was there and we weren't ready to talk about the pregnancy yet since it was still early and I did my best to not have a Sicilian/pregnancy hormone meltdown in front of him, but when we got in the car the tears started to flow and I begged my husband to make a decision - any decision. I just needed to know what was going to happen. Too much up in the air and a baby on the way is a deadly combo for a girl who doesn't like to feel unsettled.

To be continued.....

Nothing Special

There are some days of no particular significance that you just don't want to end. Days where you just went about your life, loving your husband, showering your baby girl with kisses and basking in her smiles. Days where you unpack your kitchen slowly, thinking of all the yummy meals that you'll make, all the cookies you'll bake and the holidays meals you'll prepare with family members milling about. Days where you let your sweet baby fall asleep in your arms instead of her bassinet because you just don't want to be away from her and someday she'll be too big to cradle this way. And you look down at her with her long eye lashes and chubby cheeks while listening to your husband snore softly and you simply have no idea how you got so lucky to be this man's wife and this child's mother.